Normally I wouldn’t post about my personal life, but this is a special occasion. Today would have been our three year anniversary. I know that sadly everyone suffers from PTBD (post-traumatic breakup disorder.) I wanted to share my experience, some tips, and how I got through it. So far at age 19 I have only dated one guy, which I am completely okay with. He and I started out as friends in high school. Our dating relationship started out a little complicated. Essentially he asked me what I would think about if we started dating, and I said that I would like that. The next day he asked out another girl. They didn’t date for very long, but I stayed friends with him through it even though his previous friends didn’t. Anyways they broke up, and the next day he asked me out. I had been waiting for so long that I was so incredibly excited. I really liked this guy. We got along well. We had similar goals. Our families got along. He was a gentleman, not to mention cute. (Don’t worry I’m gagging as I say this.) We started off our relationship with marriage as our goal (let me know if you want a post about that!) and of course, planner that I am, this was something I was planning from start until end.
We dated for 2 years before we started having major problems. We both decided that we would brave a Long Distance Relationship so that each of us could get the education we deserved. We were 8 hours away from each other. Let me just say, that is extremely far. Anyways, it wasn’t the long distance relationship that got us…or at least not directly. He stopped making the effort and became very possessive/controlling along with some other things…but that is for another post. I originally “broke” up with him hoping this would motivate him to get his act together…it did the opposite. I had “broken” up with him before (come on, I’m not the only one) knowing I was planning on getting back together with him. Not exactly the best approach, but sometimes that is what it takes. Anyways, rather than trying to apologize and win me back he stopped fighting.
Here are some tips and things that made me feel worse. I’m no expert, but some of this really helped:
1) Cry it out. For about a week after we broke up I was in shock and didn’t really cry about it. Then all of a sudden it hit me and I just had to cry it out. Just get it out. Don’t worry. Cry in class. Cry in bed. Just get it out.
2) It doesn’t matter who broke up with who. I broke up with my boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean it was an easier for me. Just remember that.
3) Don’t say things like you are young! Okay the amount of people who told me oh you are young you’ve got lots of times was ridiculous. It didn’t make me feel better and isn’t encouraging. It’s like saying “there are plenty of fish in the sea” yeah that’s great and all but you want that fish. Just ignore people who say these things.
4) Don’t text him/her. Okay, I’m really guilty of this one. I can’t help it. First break up and all, but it can cause a lot of pain to either your or your ex. Even if you want to be friends, just wait. Give it time.
5) Stay busy. This is really important. Just like death of a close one, the first step to healing is restarting your life. Just throw yourself into it. Eventually, it will become more normal and you won’t have to hold back tears all the time.
6) Yes, eat ice cream or cake or cookies. You may bet fat, but honestly who cares. You are in a whole lot of pain so at least you have something sweet to keep you going. My dad sent me cookies and that just helped so much. Don’t worry about the weight, your heart comes first.
7) Don’t rebound. Okay, again, super guilty. I hadn’t had a crush on a guy for almost two years so when I broke up with my boyfriend I crushed hard. It ended horribly. I’m one of those people who tells a guy if I have a crush on them. At first I started out by just inviting him to stuff, which he also ways declined, then I just straight up told him. He said he didn’t have any feelings for me at all. That kinda hurt, but it was nothing to what I found out a week later. Turns out, he started dating a girl a week after I told him about my feelings. Excuse my french, but that hurt like a bitch. So moral of the story, don’t rebound. Just don’t.
8) Stay away from alcohol and especially drugs. Not guilty of this one. You can get hurt even more by binge drinking or getting high. There really isn’t all that much to say about it, except for don’t do it.
9) Ignore all comments from people who don’t know the whole story. Yeah this is a big one. Ignore friends and family that make all kinds of crazy comments if they don’t know the whole story. And I mean the WHOLE story. I had to remind myself of this constantly.
10) Remind yourself that it will be okay
11) Do something that makes you feel special/beautiful. Me, I went makeup shopping. Go out and do something for you.
12) Scream. Just like crying, but more fulfilling.
13) Remember that breaking up is like mourning. You’ve got to go through all of them before you will finally be healed and even then it’s still hard.
6 months later, on what was supposed to be our anniversary, I’m still crying about it. This has been one of the most painful and emotionally wrecking experiences. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Breaking up in the way that we did especially after we had been dating for so long was so incredibly painful. We had a lot of great memories and often times I get confused as to why I ended it. Thank goodness I have good friends who have helped me through it.
Good luck to all of you going through a breakup and you will be in my prayers.
Lots of love,